Bond Fifty: Two


There continues to be an incomprehensible number of discs in this box.

Tomorrow Never Dies

Tired cunnilingus pun … saved by M and Moneypenny’s “Don’t ask”, “Don’t tell.”

I can’t tell if Teri Hatcher is terribly acting the part of a good liar or brilliantly acting the part of a terrible liar.

It says something when the Rupert Murdoch caricature who wants to start World War III comes off as nicer than the real Rupert Murdoch, amirite? Relatedly, this Mac keeps insisting I mean “emirate” when I write “amirite.”

I’m sorry I made fun of you, Lotus. Come back! Bond should not be driving a BMW!

K. D. Lang’s end theme is so much better than the official theme song! Wtf, people?



I have to say, the opening stunt sequence is amazing. Even if Stunt Jaws looks like he’s four feet tall with paper teeth in high definition.

This movie is totally more fun if you imagine that Hugo Drax is being played by a young James Lipton.

“Moonraker” may be the most stunningly gorgeous of the opening themes, and nobody remembers it. Say it with me: Shirley Fucking Bassey.

First it’s a clown, and then it has Jaws in it. THIS IS NOT HELPING.

Half of the scenes in this movie need to end with Yakety Sax playing. So ridiculous.

Pew! Pew! Pew!



Telling us that someone strikes “like thunderball” has absolutely no meaning if you don’t tell us what the hell a “thunderball” is.

Unless it means this?


Incidentally, there’s a Marvel super villain named “Thunderball” who apparently gained super-strength by holding a magical crowbar that was struck by lightning, and who uses a wrecking ball as a weapon. This has made the whole re-watching project worth it.

Apparently Bond is bedding women for “King and Country,” despite the fact that Elizabeth II has been on the throne for thirteen years. I guess it wasn’t very proper to do the nasty in the name of the Queen.


Omg, another underwater fight scene. Somebody get the bends already.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

This opening theme kicks ass. I like how the imagery keeps trying to remind us that, yes, this is in the same series as those Connery flicks.

I feel like I’ve watched an hour of baccarat scenes in all these movies now and I still have no idea what’s going on or how this is a game.

George Lazenby’s head looks like it’s made of Sculpy. But he makes up for it with a passion for frilly and ruffled shirts. No, really, he actually looks pretty good in most of these suits, but this brown-orange golf outfit is — OH MY GOD YOU DID NOT JUST SLAP DIANA RIGG IN THE FACE

Something tells me Draco is not going to win father of the year anytime soon.

Ernst Stavro Kojak!

You know, this movie is actually not bad. It even has curling! Bobsleds! An epic ski chase! And this stuntman… does not look at all like Diana Rigg.

More later! And did you know there’s a whole blog dedicated to The Suits Of James Bond? Omg.

tags: bondfifty , movies

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  • "This movie is totally more fun if you imagine that Hugo Drax is being played by a young James Lipton."

    This is fucking brilliant.

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