Mother’s Day


A little over a year ago:

Awoke with fresh tears in my eyes. Another visitation from my dream-daughter, the one who has haunted my dreams but speaks only of death? But no, I do not remember her: though there was a church, a waterfall, a long fall…

Sometimes I am there again, walking delicately through a rainbow bed of fallen foliage, as soft sunset light falls through the canopy overhead and brushes my hair. There is no noise, nor rustle of breeze, and improbably, the leaves do not even crumple beneath my bare feet. Here is where she appeared first, apparition-like, with her words of love, of loss — soft-spoken, but heavy as a drum. A gift and message from the future. A future, one not mine, but hers.

She says: I wanted to meet you, just once.

Once. The word is what it is: final, fatal, unambiguous.

But there I go again, and wait. Because I do not choose or know where I travel, in dreams, though tears remind me.

Thank you for your well-wishes. Please don’t worry about me. Things will work themselves out, as they must — and maybe then I can talk about things here. But not now.

I promise, promise, to return shortly to crisps and Pocky and hamburgers and pandas…


  • crisp panda pocky? now I'm disturbed...

  • Thanks for the update, I know we've all been thinking of you. Looking forward to the promised posts. Unless the pandas were further ingredients, too...

  • Hey-can't stop me from worrying about you and caring and keeping you in my thoughts, so don't go there. ^_~

    What you can do is take care of yourself so I don't have to!

    Looking forward to your next panda pocky update. ^^

  • This is so haunting.

    I want pandas.

  • Vanlal

    Pandas! promise?!

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