Bond Fifty: Plenty Of Tool


A. Trying to process this poster art literally is either madness, or the basis of an infinitely better movie than this one.

B. Omg, ladies. That cannot be comfortable.


Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

It only takes one minute for Sean Connery to basically destroy all of the authenticity of character built up by the end of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Sorry, Mrs. Bond.

Oh Jesus, it’s these two. The bad hair twins. Can I stop the movie now?

Hmm, Tiffany Case has Peter Franks’s thumbprint to compare against, but not a photo of his face? Really? OVERTHINKING IT.

“That’s quite a nice little nothing you’re almost wearing.” Yes, it is.

But seriously, Jill St. John wears some crazy-ass outfits in this movie, and she makes them work. Damn her.

Plenty. Plenty O’Toole. This may be the worst Bond name ever. Also I can’t believe this is Natalie Wood’s sister.

Sean Connery, you are so old. So, so old.

Oooh, but the typography nerd in me LOVES the ’70s signage inside McCarran Airport.

That’s a radiation shield. Right.

These astronauts trying to take Bond down understand they’re not actually in a low-gravity environment, right? Why are they moving so slowly?

I’m pretty sure all of my childhood conceptions of Las Vegas were created by this movie, plus those casino ladies from Koyaanisqatsi.

Of all the stupid plans to kill Bond, this “let’s bury him in a pipeline” is the worst ever. Him coming out of the hatch in a tuxedo is a nice gag, though.

Yay, Bambi and Thumper. I hate this movie because whenever I hear the names Bambi and Thumper I think of these two in the woods with a skunk.


Wait, maybe they’re the ones who were in the space suits from before.

Okay, I’m really not sure Jill is carrying off this blue and beige thing.

Parachuting down in a giant shiny inflatable ball would only work if they’re not going to shoot you, and that would be ridiculous. Oh, they’re not going to shoot you? At all? Joke’s on me, I guess.

This ending is so bad. If Blofeld had shot him we wouldn’t have this stupid ending. I hate Blofeld.

I am totally putting on the Rocky Horror Picture Show after this. It’ll be a Charles Gray double feature. (Oooh-oooh)

tags: bondfifty , movies

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  • Lori Pierce

    Best one yet! You are going to force me to get the set, so I can watch them with your comments. ++ for the Charles Gray double feature. :)

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