Column: Player Vignette: GOD
by Loli
In order to adhere to the family & love in GNE theme for this month, I decided to profile the character who nurtured all of us - we are all GOD’s children. While some may argue that GOD was not a character, the following should prove GOD was quite a character.
If you calculated the pulse cycle at once every 20 minutes (known to vary widely), this message appeared more than 7000 times during the course of the prototype.
GOD: I have hidden another sheet of blue paper in a hub. Can you find it?
dashcat: I never realised how boring God’s job must be.
dashcat: “I’ve hidden a blue…” blah blah blah
So true, dashcat. Providing for the plague of locusts known as prototype players was a giant pain, so GOD would occasionally take a hiatus:
yeoz: GOD still isn’t back?
flippy rice: no yeoz :(
lil jinx: GOD is dead i think
yeoz: GOD is on sabbatical.
tovah: how long has GOD been out of order now?
lil jinx: halo0
flippy rice: couple of hours now tovah
tovah: couple hours?
lil jinx: its been like this
lil jinx: GOD sucks
inspoetica: its called the “pulse” sometimes it goes down and when it does nothing restocks, god stops speaking, there’s no messages, no blue paper hiding, etc
lil jinx: damn
lil jinx: RESTOCK
capodistria: i said it once
lil jinx: RESTCOK
lil jinx: -restock
Eglon Pullman: <restock type=”paper”>]
lil jinx: GOD WAKE UP
lil jinx: RESTOCK
inspoetica: god is gonna do a smackdown
Jason Illuran: does God still hate us?
capodistria: yes and no. mostly no.
Eglon Pullman: paperpaperpaper
rhapsaria: where is God?? *cry*
Eglon Pullman: /make paper
Moondawg: We’re like the Jews wandering the wilderness….
Eglon Pullman: we’re like the shackleton party, adrift in
the seas off antarctica
lil jinx: DAMN
lil jinx: GOD ARE U SLEEPING
lil jinx: RESTOCK MAN
flippy rice: god is out of order
flippy rice: please try again later
lil jinx: damn god
lil jinx: heehee
Eglon Pullman: god damn god
Unfortunately, GOD was dissed even while working to keep our world running smoothly:
GOD: HELLO EVERYONE. THE GAME SERVER WILL BE DOWN FOR THE NEXT 30 MINUTES WHILE WE MOVE COMPUTERS AROUND AND AROUND. WHY? BECAUSE!
Jason Illuran: Nooooooo
Nawt A. Clew: No! I just got here :/
Loli: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
GOD: YES!
Jason Illuran: *thwaps God*
cheese poof: give me things b4 u leeve
capodistria: yeah, give things to cheese poof!
Jericho Jeremiah Goldie: bad God
Jason Illuran: I’ll take an enlightnement or cash bonus to not smacktalk God :D
GOD: YOU SHOULD ALL LOGOUT NOW, OR ELSE … FACE THE BOOT!
GOD: OOPS!
Outis: lol god can’t do html ;-)
Padmini: 30 min? we’ll time you
Ivy: what will we do in the meantime? Google n surf?
GOD: LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT WITTGENSTEIN. IT’LL BE WORTH YOUR TIME.
GOD: NOW, LEAVE!
Ivy: God is banishing us
capodistria: wittgenstein is a bore
Outis: *will there be a quiz on wittgenstein, god?*
zero_cool has been booted.
yeoz has been booted.
Stewart has been booted.
Padmini has been booted.
Helcat: sigh
Heck, we were ungrateful when GOD was just trying to hang out:
Selva Morales: i met several inconsiderate people today.
Eglantine: for the record, let me complain that naughtybits ate my home decor
Eglantine: though yeoz, selva, and ooo quickly replaced everything :)
GOD: Remember, you are all my Children, even the theives. Turn the other cheek, etc.
nepenthe: okay, i have to delurk to laugh at god :)
kurtdevious: WHERE’S MY TROUT?!?!?!
Selva Morales: by the way, can i just say how beautiful it is that someone planted enlightenment in my bathroom?
Selva Morales: i mean, someone took the fact that all great inspirations come in the bathroom and encapsulated it in a simple gesture.
kurtdevious: woot just got purple sheet….
flippy rice: someone put hairballs in my bathroom earlier i thought it was hilarious :)
GOD: Thanks Nepenthe! I it is nice to know that SOME OF YOU GODDAMN DORKS ARE LISTENING!
dashcat: lol
inspoetica: shut up god
dj pie: eek
kurtdevious: Now GOD I take offense to that….
kurtdevious: I am somebody… I like my self….
flippy rice: *cries in fear*
nepenthe: god…we are always listening…
GOD: Sorry, sorry … it just, just …
poxaV: god, i always listen :-) *HUGS GOD*
Selva Morales: god, i had a crush on you but you never returned my phone calls.
Selva Morales: now i spend my days plotting your humiliation.
GOD: Oh, damn. Sometimes I wish I never gave y’all free will.
pixel a. shun: God’s a little touchy today, isn’t he?
inspoetica: he?
inspoetica: I think she
inspoetica: …you know…
inspoetica: { . }
Selva Morales: big words… for a bot!
GOD: (bring it on, Morales)
Selva Morales: oh, it’s already been broughten!
inspoetica: I want to take on GOD
inspoetica: I’m with Sel!
GOD: OK, inspy. Name your challenge. How about capodistria’s brain teasers?
capodistria: my what?
GOD: Or tweezers, better yet.
inspoetica: bring it
Selva Morales: you can be beaten god, i know it.
Selva Morales: even i saw star trek v
kurtdevious: OMG! Morales…..and you lived?!?!?!
Selva Morales: by the way, how could a kind and loving god allow that movie to have been made?
Selva Morales: and manners, god!!
Selva Morales: “morales,” indeed. do you hear me calling you “damn it” ?
GOD: I hid a poison-filled blue jelly donut in Selva’s hair. Can you find it?
Selva Morales: joke’s on you! blue goes perfectly with my outfit!
GOD: I hate it when the joke’s on me. You win this time, Morales. But just you wait …
Selva Morales: does this mean you’ll return my phone calls now?
GOD: I will. I just was never sure … snf … never sure whether you liked me for me, or for my, my … omnipotence.
Loli: Ummm, you GOD, definitely you…
Loli: Didn’t you get the christmas card? I mailed it…
poxaV: your HUGE omnipotence, suuuure, that’s what she likes
kurtdevious: God is omni impotent?
kurtdevious: Ohhh…poor God….
flippy rice: obviously not kurt, we’re children of god can’t you see? :)
Selva Morales: it’s rare to find a gal who would be comfortable dating someone who was omniscient.
inspoetica: has god back down from the challenge?
inspoetica: shoot, god chickened out
GOD: I am nothing against you, Almighty Inspoetica.
Loli: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAugh!
Well, in closing, I just want to say that even though we were whiny, snot nosed, high maintenance children, in our odd little ways we really did love you. Now…will you please hurry and get the REAL GAME up so inspoetica stops spending all his time picking on ME?
